Most would wonder why a black girl of seveteen would like such an extreme form of music. I don't even know why I started liking it. I remember getting bits and pieces throughout my youth of metal and being scared shitless. Then I realized music and it's message is only harmful if you believe in it (I suppose thats why I can listen to bands like Gorgoroth and not be phased). It's so aggresive and angry-and for someone who generally is non confrontational-it surprises most people. My answer is that metal gave me a voice that I didn't have. The harsh vocals could scream my innermost fears and frustration through the toughtest times of my life. The soft whispering followed by a intricate guitar solo comforted me in my lonliness. Going to my first 'rock' concert (not metal, just rock) and feeling the guitar and drums in my heart made me burn for something faster and aggrestive and when I first moshed-I lost myself.
Of course, it hasn't been easy being a black chick into metal. I've gotten stares, whispering comments, grins and laughts, etc. Other times-I've experienced some of the nicest people I've ever encountered in my life.
I suppose this is why I began to develop a certain preference for men-mainly guys who were artist in some way-it hardly mattered if they were into poetry/writing, playing an instrument, painting-but I especially grew attracted to the ones that I looked up to. Men like Vreth, Jones, King ov Hell-among others. It never really mattered what race they were-just that they were so powerful on stage-giving themselves to a life full of powerful music. And I always liked mysterious men that required peeling to get to the core.
Then when I first heard a woman sing metal-I was hooked. Knowing that a girl could pull off and conduct a crowd of mostly angry men inspired me. I grew tougher, I became more independant, and even tried to develop a 'metal scream' <-to which I haven't yet accomplished but I'm working on it. It sounds more like a dying giraffe but it 'll get better. Then came this utter passion for music in general. In it I found ecstacy. It gave me a way better high than weed ever could. I'm still trying to learn all about music from folk, to hip hop, to the different subgenres of metal and discovering bands that relate to my experience as well as bands that I don't really like but listen to just to retain the knowledge. I don't even think in these few words I covered why I really love metal or just music in general. This blog was meant to solely focus on metal but I also appreciate every other type of music from Neil Young to Erykah Badu. But the point I was trying to make with metal is that its an escapist music for me and after I listen to metal-I feel like that energy was transposed into me. It gave me the power to be whatever I wanted and say whatever I wanted-and with it I could not only keep waking up the next day but I could take over the world. One step at a time.