I've been enjoying my break and this is why I have not posted anything in quite a bit (just in case my few, but appreciated readers wanted to know where I was).
While reading comments from a past post, I was inspired to go into an aspect of this whole 'subculture' thing. An anonymous poster (sorry to call you out) brought up an interesting question. He/she asked why a black girl would be interested in Black metal or even more particularly-what he/she was basically asking-music that draws roots from traditional European instruments as well as having a heavy focus on European folklore, culture, language, etc. I understand the question but it still never ceases to amaze me that black folks are always but into 'the box' and there is no way of getting out of the box even if the people in in consider you out. Let me explain- The box is EVERYTHING that has to do traditionally with black culture-be it African American or just African. The contents of this box is the black community. The dilemma I'm trying to point out is that every other race is given an opportunity to have some wiggle room in the box. I mean that there are Asian b-boys, Latino metal heads, and white folks into reggae all over the world- my point is that this is considered acceptable and normal. But if a black person is into anything outside of that suffocating box it's weird or unique. Why is it strange to take an interest in another culture? Or for that matter, subculture? Tons of people of other races travel and explore this giant planet and listen to different music, eat foods, learn the history and language but we somehow aren't allowed because the media portrays us as not being culturally inclined? Can't I be proud of my nationality and race yet take an interest in the music and culture of another? I think differences are cool and interesting and I've always hated being predictable so I look outside to better understand who I am. I'm not one of those people who hate who they are and where they come from and are desperate to adapt so much to another culture that they become like them or totally slander their own and that's what I seem to get from a lot of people who don't know me or my views. I'm not in denial-I'm just interested. And I refuse to deny what interest me. Whether it fits in your box or not. I think the problem is that everyone else seems to be allowed a sort of individuality in their communities that us black folks aren't allowed because we will ALWAYS be whatever we get labeled or filed under in that box. When will I and the millions of us just be individuals instead of 'that black girl/guy'?
I'm sure everyone, atleast the black people, that visit this blog have gotten this so much that they are tired of hearing it. The termonology used to describe a black person into alternative cultures beside 'black' culture (whatever that is)-'oreo'. Or have heard phrases such as 'You talk/act white', 'you listen to white music' (again whatever that is). You've tried to explain and rexplain why this is or maybe you have gotten to the point, like I have, where your tired of explaining why you cannot be into whatever your into and not be held back by the social or cultural boundaries that bind you to your own. I'll go into that in a much later blog.
This specifically is about an incident that happened to me recently and was acted upon so bluntly that even though its been weeks, I'm still in a bit of shock. I'm involved in theatre in my school and we had a friend of my director's stop by to give us some positve pointers on an upcoming show. So we performed and afterwords he was giving us notes.
I have a solo in this musical we happened to be doing and even though I never asked for it, I got the 'gospel' esque song even though EVERYONE who really knows me-knows that I am anything but gospel-esque. (I have an inkling she gave me the solo because I was black -_-). To make a long story short the guy asks me to come to him and then he says I have something to tell you. So he precedes to whisper in my ear 'You need to be more black' and I was suddenly transported to all my middle school memories of those exact words told slightly by different from various people that have come and gone in my life. I was embarrassed and perplexed. I didn't know what to do so I just laughed and fumed back to my seat where some of the fellow actors had heard and were laughing, completly oblivious to my disdain.
My question is-since when has just being black in general not good enough? Hell, my father is African-isn't that pretty damn well black? I performed the next time around and did the things that they wanted me to do-which was dance while singing, put more 'soul' into it, gyrate, and pratically obtain the 'yes massa' mentality by doing what they wanted for a successful show.
I realized I haven't posted in quite a while so I decided to post today about something I find disturbing (In my experiences). So, recently-whenever I go to shows-if there is another black girl there, I get the up down look then cold treatment. It's very strange to me because whenever I see someone of the same race at shows I always want to compulsively talk to them but then I feel awkward because its the whole 'I'm black-your black' thing that sets me back. But most recently I find other black women at shows to really dislike me or seem to at least and I can't figure out why so I boiled it down to one fact. Apparently there can only be one 'unique' black girl at a concert. I don't so much get this with black guys. I always found it strange because I feel comradery more than anything else and feel that the black female metalhead is such a small community that there needs to be some sense of unity within it-but alas-girls will be girls and we always have to compare ourselves to each other to make up some idiotic sense of self worth to feel good about ourselves. I went to a friends party where I thought I was going to be the only black person there but there was also one other black girl. I was wearing an Opeth shirt that my boyfriend had let me borrow and the girl went up to me and said she dug my shirt. I thanked her and told her it wasn't my own and that my bf had gotten it at a show and she huffed and said she hated me then walked away. I will forever be confused by that. Mind you-that was just one girl but still when I go to concerts I get the silent treatment when I smile at other black females. Has anyone else gotten this feeling of animosity from other black girls at shows? Or is this all in my head?