It was inevitable that my choice in music would affect what kind of person I would date. I had the formula and code for what type of guy I would like (*see King Ov Hell in pt. 1)...but then here comes the awkward part. Finding someone who would like me. Let's not beat around the bush here, my choices were (and to an extent still are) extremely limited. I've dating out of my race a lot, not purposely. I have no secret agenda or past rue against black men. I do find them physically appealing. But realistically-how many black guys do you personally know that listen to Folk/Black Metal, or hell, even metal? I've met a few in the past-but they were already dating someone else or I was dating someone else at the time. In fact, a good bit of black guys usually think I'm either a weirdo or an 'assimilator'. But, that's a whole other post.
To this day, I've dated one black guy who had similar interests but it didn't work out.
Anyways, around 14 or 15, I went out to local concerts and parties with friends. I was usually the only black anything there and I would SWOON over these guys that were there but they didn't pay any attention to me. I was always just 'the black girl' that was there, adorned but insignificant. I could know so much more about music in general than my girl friends, have probably more in common with these guys, make jokes with them but still none of them were ever interested. I liked a particular boy, who looked like a mini version of Bartek Borweic. I didn't just like him-I convinced myself that I loved him. He was a friend of a friend and we got along really well the few times we hung out. So one day, we were talking outside of a venue and a group of his friends were snickering behind him. They wanted him to come back so they could enter the place, he waved good bye but I heard one of his friends say, "Why do you talk to her? You don't even like black girls. " and my crush replied, "I'm just being nice". My world was crushed. After that, I just assumed all the guys I liked didn't like me because I was black.
But, it seemed like as soon as I stopped looking for someone, they came to me. My first boyfriend, J, I met at a friends house. It was her cousin. I thought he initially was attractive, but believed he wouldn't like me, then a month after meeting he asked me out.
J was an anime nerd ( he also got me into anime. Shh-don't tell anyone-but I'm a secret anime/video game geek. You wouldn't know by looking at me!) but also liked heavy metal and could play bass very well. That lasted a year-then I broke up with him because I was bored (ah, youth!).
Then as I got older, I found that if I didn't try so hard to search, it just happened. I met more people, got a job, went to all types of shows. I accumulated more guy friends and in that way, men have become so much easier to talk to/deal with.
My current boyfriend is my ideal package. He's smart, compassionate, not a skinny little waif like I've dated in the past but actually has muscle, sarcastic like me, has plans/goals, sweet, hard working, long hair, hairy, is open minded, loves his folk metal and loves me...
But he hates anime.
Oh well, no ones perfect.
The point I'm trying to make is that for a black girl who likes this type of music exclusively, dating can be challenging. I personally didn't have a problem with the whole race thing, but some guys in the past were just damn uncomfortable with the idea. As if dating a black girl wasn't very "metal". Because, lets face it, when most people (society) think of black women-its mostly a negative representations.
And in my experience, its not so much me that makes them uncomfortable, but the ever present thought 'What will everyone think?'.
I learned a long time ago that If I became what everyone wanted me to be, I'd be freakin' miserable. Quite honestly, speaking of race issues gets super tiring and frustrating-especially in this community-but it's there. I can't pretend its not and turn a blind eye like everyone ( mass media) else has been doing. I don't have an issue with it but everyone else seems to.
Issues with race and dating still is a huge deal to a lot of people-rightfully so! It's dangerous not to be cautious.
But its not dangerous to be open minded.